I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
All the doctor said was why
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
