people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
