Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
