i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
