no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
