i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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