I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
