Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
