as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
