I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
