my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
