A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
