It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
