I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
