I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
