last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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