woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
