what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
