guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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