I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
