I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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