My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
