Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
