he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
