I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
