My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
