I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize