If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
