The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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