Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
