Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize