Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
