you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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