You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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