i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
don't judge my taste in strippers
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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