Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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