So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
