I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
