I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
