I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize