dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
