i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
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