Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
