I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
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