I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
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