you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
