we have officially lost it.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
