I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
