Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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