you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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