Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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