No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
