"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
