i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Randomize
