Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
