I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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