if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
