My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
