I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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