This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Randomize
