I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
