What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
