Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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