what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
