He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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