My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
She's JV to your varsity
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
