well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
