I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
