we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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